


Sillygomania (The past is a fragile creature)

by Valkrist (Anouk_Tyrell)



Series: So leave me my remedy, my melodies (drabble collections) [2]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Drabble Collection, M/M, Songfic, Tommy/Alfie/Tenderness, inspired by amazing music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25690648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anouk_Tyrell/pseuds/Valkrist
Summary: What is the point in keeping hatred and anger bottled up insideInstead of simply wiping it out, along with its dark memory?You are surely aware that the past is a fragile creatureWhich must be tamed cautiously- Sillygomania by Loïc Nottet -
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons
Series: So leave me my remedy, my melodies (drabble collections) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1803871
Comments: 24
Kudos: 16





	1. Sillygomania

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my friends!
> 
> It‘s drabble time again :)  
> This time I got inspired by another Nottet album

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 1: Sillygomania
> 
> And when we feel lonely  
> There is nothing more comforting  
> Than a truly happy memory  
> Which we have kept alive in a corner of our mind

A smile curled up Tommy’s lips as he drove back to Birmingham.

It always hurt to leave London, but at least he had some good memories as a souvenir.

“You know, I also have this bad dreams sometimes“, Alfie had admitted. “Dark horses, ravens, all this shite. Can’t really sleep anymore. But we’ll go through it together, won’t we? We can do this, Tommy.“

Some people wouldn’t call it a truly happy memory, but it was one for Tommy. Alfie had finally opened up and he would never forget this revelation and how good Alfie had felt in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me I‘m not the only one who can imagine Tommy adoring such moments...


	2. On Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 2: On Fire
> 
> Here I am taming the flames  
> Not afraid anymore, strong like a warrior  
> And when I hit the dust  
> I'm gonna get back up  
> And light up like a flare  
> I'll be burnin’

“What happened?“

Tommy’s eyes showed Alfie that he didn’t need to lie, not this time.

“This fucking Italians. Scare the shit out of me. Know their language. Guns don’t scare them, _I_ don’t scare them. They’re already planning my funeral. Walking around overcautious is so horrible, mate, fucking horrible.“

He remembered this time when they had pushed him on the ground. Bad deals, humiliation, pain. How had he managed to stand back up?

_Tommy_. Of course Tommy, the answer to every fucking question. Had always encouraged him, whispered it while stroking his hair.

“Get back up, eh? Get back up.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, one of my favorite songs from this album. And there is a wonderful acoustic version of it!  
> (And it‘s just encouraging and I love it and yeah, enough of this mumbling for today haha)


	3. Heartbreaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 3: Heartbreaker
> 
> We'll drink too much and talk all through the night  
> I'll walk you home to use up all your time  
> I'd love to see you wake up by my side

Tommy would never forget the time Alfie had agreed to try it too. One drinking had become two, two three. It had felt good to sit on the balcony, his head on Alfies shoulder. They hadn’t cared about the rain pouring down on them.

He had noticed that he had never seen Alfie’s bedroom then. Too intimate, nothing business partners should know about. And then Alfie had shown him. Business partners, it sounded so funny. Too funny while thinking about the bedsheets, being fucked against the mattress and feelings kisses on his skin. While looking into Alfie’s sleepy, lovely eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let “business partners“ rule xd <3


	4. Rosa Maria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 4: Rosa Maria
> 
> Let me tell you a story, man  
> It started off me thinking I was in control  
> You never seem to be sorry, no  
> And I don't blame you but I'm gonna straight shoot

There was something about watching Alfie marveling at the sunset. Tommy could have kissed every single laughter line, getting some caress in return.

It was an odd game, one to show power. But who was in control? Tommy couldn’t say. Sometimes it was Alfie who brought him over the edge, sometimes it was his own hand pulling a gun on the other man. They had never put it into words, to many people and betrayal involved, but Tommy knew that it was flirting, at least. But why should he voice it? Maybe they could simply take it to their graves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love sunsets haha <3


	5. Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 5: Liar
> 
> You cry  
> To make me feel the pain  
> And your lies  
> Are messing up my brain  
> Stood by  
> You every single day

“What is that about?“

Alfie didn’t cry often, but it looked even more serious when he did. Broke Tommy’s heart to see him sitting there, burying his face in his hands.

And what hurt even more was that he had to admit something. That it was a inconspicuously conspicuous show. That Alfie wanted him to see it, to feel all this things. A devious manipulation, but it still worked for the first seconds. This first seconds until Tommy realized what it was about. He had given his best and that was what he got in return: Alfie, this fucking liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this sad atmosphere guys


	6. 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 6: 29
> 
> As we both sat in your car  
> Talking about the past  
> As we were facing each other  
> We were falling apart

Tommy hadn’t thought that one day, he would hate this car. It was a good one, actually, a Mercedes, all in black, but he couldn’t bear it. Not when he was sitting there, tears running down his face, fingers dug into the steering wheel. And now it was over.

He could still remember their talks. All the words Alfie had said. They had made love on the backseat. Alfie had sucked him off. Had said _I love you_ for the first time, making Tommy cry tears of happiness.

And suddenly he was there again, kissing him softly. “I’m sorry, love.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can‘t write this without some tenderness can I? xd


	7. The One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 7: The One
> 
> The anger fills me  
> While I lay on the floor  
> The loneliness will keep me up till 4  
> I'm screaming "what if?"  
> And slamming the doors  
> My mind is stuck on how things were before

_Don’t trust people_. Tommy had said this words to himself too often now, but of course there had to be this one time he failed. Should’ve known it, but seeing Alfie with this duchess had been horrible.

What if he would have confessed his feelings to him? Not only relied on Alfie _seeming_ to feel the same, thinking it was exclusive?

He couldn’t even say if the gin bottles were a blessing or not anymore. There were too many of them, too tempting. He took a glass, then another one until he couldn’t count them anymore. Fell down, still sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sadness


	8. Doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 8: Doctor
> 
> So now I’m a criminal, now I’m killing them all  
> ‘Cause I decided to love and I lost control

It was crazy, simply crazy. His life had always been this way, actually, but then he had met Tommy.

If there was a man who knew all the extremes, then it was the brunet with a razor blade in his cap. Made him go insane. Couldn’t even say what it was, but this man was strong. Made him desire him. There was something about all this fucks in between. Why shouldn’t he use the opportunities, after all? A hand on his cock, someone inside him, some bites on his skin … had been a cure, had become something more difficult now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what I should say  
> But yeah, sane guys doing sane things, haha :D


	9. Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 9: Gun
> 
> Your gun won't make me leave  
> You can fire your bullets at me  
> My skin won't bleed  
> Feel your love when you're aiming at me

“Fucking get on with it. Stop acting like a little girl.“

Such cruel words to say. Should make him leave, but it didn’t work.

Alfie didn’t leave, too. Ready to take every bullet. Didn’t look Tommy in the eyes, though.

 _Business or bad blood_. Could he still insist on something like that, denying all the other words? Only a foretaste of what was to come, but it made him want more. Hear, feel more.

Tommy still pointed the gun at him, but Alfie knew that he wouldn’t do it. Only a matter of time before he would hold him close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is too beautiful


	10. TWYM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 10: TWYM
> 
> When your fears are running high  
> And your thoughts are running low  
> You've gotta live your life  
> You've gotta smile don't worry

Only some hours ago all the notes had made sense but now they put Tommy off his stride. Carefully chosen words, the best speech with the best directions he could have ever come up with, but this bellyache didn’t really help him.

 _Calm down, right?_ Alfie always knew what to do. Still had this horrible vinyl collection with both beautiful and catastrophic things. Always found some of this good vibes songs that were awful, but somehow it worked. Made him forget about his worries, especially when Alfie started to sing along. Hearing optimistic words out of Alfie’s mouth was special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can agree on Alfie having a vinyl collection with all kinds of records can‘t we? <3


	11. Cry Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 11: Cry Out
> 
> I let it in with open arms  
> I'm calling you, can you answer to my reactions?  
> The therapy has lost its charm  
> I'm telling you, can you please undo my affliction?

It was 3 a.m. when Alfie got the call. The voice on the other end of the line was a mere whisper.   
“Everything alright?“ It could only be Tommy, he knew, others didn’t call this number at this time.  
He just listened to him. Whispers, sobs, some breaths. Poor man probably didn’t know what to do, all the problems circling around his head.  
“Shall I drive over tomorrow?“ I don’t know, Tommy thought, don’t wanna bother you. Alfie didn’t need his sadness. “If you want to.“  
Deep inside he knew that he would, hugging him as he always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need T/A/T in my life again, haha


	12. Candy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 12: Candy
> 
> Your wicked days are done  
> Ready for your final breath I won't be gentle  
> I was never ever able to grow  
> You have made me the fool that I am

Tommy would just get what he deserved. Receiving and returning, an easy thing to do. Had always been that way.  
He was the one who had got him drunk the whole time, convinced him unexpectedly, all this sweet promises in between. Like candy on his tongue, sweet kisses, sweet whispers. Had given him so much.  
And now they were sitting there again, reversed roles. Never could say if something was poisoned or not, a weird version of Russian roulette, based on trust, on hopes that the day didn’t come yet.  
And maybe one day it would be his final breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The video for this song is sooooo cool <3  
> I mean, it was hard to find another way to write this drabble with the lyrics, but yeah :)


	13. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Track 13: Farewell
> 
> Don't keep forever crying the same old tears  
> Because if there is one thing you need to do  
> In order to grow and to evolve  
> Is to sort things out

The decisions to clear up the attic had been a pure act of keeping himself busy, sort things out- not only metaphorical. Had nearly lost everything, being self-conscious again, all his fault. A miracle it didn’t end up being a catastrophe, but Alfie always helped.  
There were so many boxes with weird things. Tommy raised his eyebrows as he found some photos. Such silly things, somehow Alfie always managed to make him smile. Pictures that were too embarrassing to show them to other people, but Tommy actually loved them.  
Maybe he would keep them instead of sorting them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics are too accurate, seriously  
> And somehow I love the idea of Alfie taking silly photos haha <3


	14. Mr/Mme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track 14: Mr/Mme
> 
> Alors, chaque soir, je bois,  
> Je me tronche la gueule.  
> Pour oublier, qu'au fond,  
> Le succès, ça rend seul
> 
> (translation:)  
> So every night I drink,  
> I cut my mouth.  
> To forget that, basically,  
> Success makes you alone.

He had lost them all, only business connections now. The whiskey was too inviting, making him forget about people coming and going.  
He wasn’t even alone, he still had his family, hadn’t he? Maybe not that close anymore, but they would hopefully help?  
But then there was Alfie. Hadn’t left him alone, only getting closer when everything got worse. And now he was sitting there, next to him, passing him his glasses. “Better with them, eh?“ Even if he would never admit it, the plans for the new orphanage really looked sharper now.  
“And now, let’s make it all better.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this song so much. I mean, it‘s French, the lyrics are wonderful, there is something about this melody that does something to me ... can‘t even describe it. In the beginning I had the feeling that this drabble would be kinda sad, but yeah, there‘s always a chance to make everything better, isn't there?  
> Thank you all so much for reading this drabble collection and leaving kudos and comments <3 y‘all keep me going, that‘s so cool!  
> Stay tuned for other stuff, still have some albums in mind ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr @valkrist


End file.
